Usually I immediately know what I will write about when I read the Five Minute Friday prompt…but not today. Today I read it. I was a bit sad by Lisa-Jo Baker’s announcement. I suppose that blocked my immediate urge to write. But I love FMF, so here I am, without an idea, but a timer set to write for 5 minutes on FINISH.
There are lots of days when I say “I’m done!” or as I say to the kids, “i dunn, i dunn, i all dunn” and we laugh. It’s my cue to them that I am reaching a point of exasperation at whatever the day has brought.
It’s usually brought on by some classic Alzheimer’s behavior with mom. The constant questioning. The complaining. And lately, the following me everywhere I go – especially to the bathroom…eek! Some days I am patient as Job and some days I am anything but patient.
And as “dunn” as I might get from the annoying behavior that is nobody’s fault, I know I am definitely not ready to be FINISHED. Last week a dear blog friend of mine had her caregiving days FINISH when her wonderful husband passed away. It FINISHED. Just like that. And although she knows he is in a much better place. He is healthy and healed again. He is whole. It still hurts.
It is rare that I waste any time wishing things were different than they are. I don’t lament our lives or our circumstances. But on those days when I am FINISHED…because I am tired. Because I need to recharge. Because I have let myself fall into a funk (and I know I shouldn’t). Because I am plain ole feeling sorry for myself – I still know I am not ready for it to FINISH.
I am an only child. I lost my Daddy way too early. I don’t have a lot of blood relatives that I know very well. It’s been me and mom for the last 20+ years. And although I know when the time is here – I will be okay. This week the word FINISH has taken on a much different meaning.
My heart is breaking for my friend Paula and making me so aware of how fast time goes by. I hope it makes me kinder and more patient and treat each day, each minute as the gift that it is…
If you’ve never joined in on Five Minute Friday – you should! It’s a rush of energy and random thoughts and a flurry of words and fingers on a keyboard. Writer, dabbler, whatever – it’s worth way more than the 5 minutes you spend!